I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, “What was THAT?!”

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*To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

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*Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

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Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

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*We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

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*If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is “Probably because of something you did.”

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Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

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If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

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Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me? Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

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When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

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Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

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When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.

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Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.

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I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don’t just go by size, because I bet there are some chihuahuas with some good ideas.

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Menos Grande escreveu:When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

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kensei escreveu:Eu só tento entender a relação entre David Hasselhof, Saturday Night Live e o tempo ocioso de um Menos Grande

Muito boas! SNL é um dos melhores lugares para se rir que eu já vi.

David Hasselhoff escreveu:Nós geralmente zoamos o que os antigos acreditavam. mas nós não podemos rir na cara deles, e isso é o que me dá raiva.